Realization

Today I got hit hard with how soon Miss Amelia will be making her appearance. Sounds crazy, I know but in my mind, it's S-O-O-N. Though I understand from all my friends that the last month or so will feel like F-O-R-E-V-E-R!

I decided that with 5 community Walk MS events taking place during my maternity leave, I REALLY need to make sure I'm on the ball. It also doesn't help that my manager is taking over my events for me. Anyone having to take over for me would stress me out, but it's a whole new level being MY BOSS. So, I decided to do a week-by-week plan for after the New Year about what I want/need to accomplish each week. Umm, SCARY reality check that was! Eleven, yes 11, weeks is what I am giving myself to definitely be here with hopes that it's 12 - 14 weeks. Well, that's what I say now when I'm not wishing every moment for this child to be out of me. And please, don't ask me what happens if someone decides to show-up early.

So, that little project was like turning on a HUGE lightbulb and made me want to run into a dark closet and hide. I am glad I did it but ugh, I think my anxiety level has tripled. Lord, help me!

Then, I log onto here for whatever reason and see that my little ticker on top says "about 99 days to go!" Excuse me, WHAT?!?!?!? I'm less than 100 days from my Estimated Due Date? Dear Lord, again, help me! And yet again I will say that I realize that my perspective on this will change and I'm sure I'll be wishing the days to fly by, but for now, I'm freaking out.

And, while I've known this all along, the idea that I'm going to be responsible for a tiny, helpless human being in possibly less than 100 days. A human being who can't tell me what she wants and will just cry and scream at me and leave me praying for sleep. Umm, what we were we thinking? I know I love kids and I really wanted to have our own but seriously, am I capable of doing this? Too late to turn back now, I know. I guess I'll figure out. Actually, I guess WE will figure it out - Shaun is not getting out of this one. :)

Alright, that HAS to be the end of that freak out...

Today is our 3rd anniversary. We're going out to dinner tonight at a place called The Bearded Frog. I had to laugh because I realize that we also considered The Belted Cow. What funny names for places that are regarded for having such phenomenal food. The last three years have flown by considering I can recall details of our wedding day so vividly. I am a lucky woman with an amazing husband. A husband who will be the best daddy to his baby girl. I look forward to the things that we'll experience in our next year of marriage and all that awaits us many years down the road. It's with him by my side that I'll survive the next 99 (or so) days and hopefully do it without losing all my dignity! :)