RIP, Grandpa Jac

Dear Grandpa Jac,

I knew something was wrong when my mom called so late. She has a bad habit of calling during the workday so now I know calls during daylight hours are at odd times because she calls when she thinks to call. But to get a call after 9pm, I knew something was wrong. I even answered the phone as, "What's wrong?" instead of "Hi."

I was sad to hear of your passing. I couldn't believe that the last time I saw you was three years ago when Shaun & I came to Michigan to celebrate our wedding. And I knew we had talked a few times since Amelia's arrival but I couldn't pinpoint our last conversation. Either way, I know I told you I loved you. I always did before you passed the phone over to Grandma. And, I know that the last time we talked, I wasn't mad at you yet and I said it with absolutely no reservations in my heart.

But when I heard you passed away I cried because I felt guilty for you dying when I was mad at you. I cried because I felt guilty for not sending you a Father's Day card (Happy Father's Day, Great Grandpa - from Amelia) because I was mad at you. I cried because when you died I was holding a grudge against a man that I had started to think of as a cranky, old tightwad. I cried because I was mad at myself for being mad at you.

I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to meet Amelia. She's amazing, Grandpa. You would have loved her and when she wrapped you around her little finger you would have bought her ten exersaucers because she would have charmed you so much. Her laugh is contagious and her smile, infectious. She was such a good girl at your funeral and while I'm sad we were there for your passing, I was so glad Grandma got to meet her.

I'm sorry I was mad at you. I'm sorry you didn't get a Father's Day card like Grandpa George did. I hope you understand I was hurt but I do love you. You're my grandpa. Mad or not, I love you. I wish I could have given you one more hug.

I love you,

ShawnnaLea